Onward...Forward...

I was prompted to look up the definition of the word backward after a former co-worker said to me-
"You keep going backward..as long as you do so, the end result will never change."

So, here it goes:
Backward/Backwards: Facing or turned in the opposite direction to somebody or something. Positioned the opposite way around, arranged in the opposite order or proceeding in the opposite direction to the normal one. Lagging behind the progress and development of others of comparable status; causing or representing a return to a previous or less advanced, and usually less satisfactory state.

So, how'd we get here??
She asked me about a guy I mentioned from time to time, whom we'll call G. He was introduced to me by a male friend some time ago. The attraction was obvious as it was undeniable; he was clean cut, athletic build (really nice guns) early 30's and of course had me after flashing that mischievous smile of his. I was in a place where I just needed to feel good and enjoy myself; no analyzing, no expectations-just fun. Other people do this and go on to lead normal, productive lives- certainly, I could do the same.

The more time I spent with him, it was evident he'd be the last cutie that would bring complicated into my life. I didn't even bother to try to get to know everything about him like I'd done in the past. I knew he played a little football in high school, evacuated to Connecticut after Hurricane Katrina and has a young son. Hell, I didn't even know his last name until a month ago.

He seemed to appreciate how cool I was about what we had going on-which was just sex-here's the thing: along came an issue concerning the sex-he became unable to ...let's just say, stay in the game.
I'm thinking-is this normal? It's never happened to me before; but when you've spent a good deal of your adult life married or you're far from a serial dater, do you really know what normal is?

Someone told me, "He's younger; he might be used to freaks in the bedroom."
I absolutely love how this 'someone' seemed to totally disregard how I might take such a statement...
but, that's another show-

Most folks reassured me that it was something I shouldn't take personally and that it 'happens quite often'.
When I put the question out there and asked if it ever happened to ....

anyone....Anyone??????

Bueller........Bueller????

Ok, anyhoo, this elephant in the room just made himself comfortable. I was dealing with this issue almost every time G and I hooked up. It soon became too much of a chore for this man to stay excited-and it started to chip away at my self esteem! I was working way too hard for this good time. And for what, really? Soon, he wasn't the only one left unsatisfied.

This is NOT the way casual relationships are supposed to be....right?? I also questioned why he continued to call me..even worse, why was I willing to entertain it??

Well, just recently, the cards were put on the table after I was put across G's bed with, again-the result leaving me with that same blank stare.

"I don't know what it is.." he started. "I mean, I like you and you're sexy-but I mean... I really like buck wild-freaky sex.."

eh, guess the truth hurts...

NO...no-no-no-I said to myself....DON'T go there!! no complaints in the past-remember....

I knew it was more than that; and I knew tonight I was going to leave knowing the real reason-no matter what.

"It may have a little to do with the fact that I'm not with my girl, ya know..." he told me.

Ok, it was clear that G and I were as far from committed as Democrats and Republicans are from a civil discussion on the issue of health care reform--Nonetheless, did I really need to hear that??

"This is just not working.." he adds. I would concur-WHOLEHEARTEDLY!!

Which leads to Lesson number one: If a relationship; casual or otherwise, isn't working, let it go!
The sooner it's behind you, the quicker you can begin to focus on something that'll make you feel better about yourself and not worse.

Regardless of confusion, ego, embarrassment or humiliation, let it go-don't keep going back to that less satisfactory state.

....just swallow your pride, grab your dignity from the side of his bed and remember two things:
One: If it's casual, it's not supposed to be that complicated and Two: There's not much positive in regards to the definition of the word backward. That's for a good reason. So keep moving.. Forward that is.....

Every Relationship is a Lesson....

What folks say about spring is true-there's something deliciously wonderful about the wealth of sunshine; especially after a historically brutal winter; colors of all lively shades beginning to border our streets-

Spring breaks, spring cookouts & barbecues, seafood boils, spring festivals, and of course-spring flings. People are just drawn to talk more to people, interact and show affection.



Just as the first weekend of spring approached, I even found myself laughing more, despite situations that seem more horrendous than hopeful these days..I can't explain it....what am I so happy about???

After all, this is my fourth spring as a single female in New Orleans. It's been challenging in ways I didn't envision possible. I've battled many issues and dilemmas, but I'm holding on to advice given to me by loved ones....and of course one of my favorite songs by India.Arie. Her song, These Eyes has a simple, yet profound bridge: Every Relationship is a Lesson.



In saying this, many of us have had ample chances to learn from relationships that go south.
But do we, really ? It's not easy to look deeper than 'someone not being right for us' or perhaps we become fixated on not being smart enough, successful enough, or pretty/fine enough. Somehow, we've got to get past those issues and see the opportunity on the other side of the door that's just slammed in our faces : )

I've begun to wonder what it will take for me to really dust myself off and prepare for who (or what) may be better for me, without beating myself up (and/or indulging in Vodka)

So now, I'm reaching out to the single people in New Orleans: We do know a thing about resiliency, since August 29, 2005. We've tackled lack of resources, housing, jobs, stability...


After four and a half years, how are we handling being single? Maybe we can help each other--All stories (good and bad) are welcome--As long as the lesson learned is shared-



Don't be shy! Share with the class: matingseason2010@gmail.com